Hair Jealousy ~ That Evil Green Monster

I am jealous of my daughters' hair texture...

I co-washed my daughters hair last night and although it is not growing in the back (which really frustrates me!), it is somewhat long in the front. Thank God for shrinkage though, since it looks even after its dry, lol... But I love the texture of it. The natural curls are to die for, and I only hope that it doesn't change (she's only 17 months). I hate to style it because #1: I can't cornrow or flat twist & #2: the tiny ponytails that I do seem too tight for her hair so I only do that maybe once or twice every two weeks. Otherwise she's rockin' her TWA.

Prior to relaxing my hair umpteen years ago, it was just unmanageable and my mother always wanted to keep it straight. My hair was never thick or long (unlike my mother and 2 sisters). It was always limp and looked better straight. Now, I just want to throw a paper bag over my head and call it a day.

I'm getting tired of resorting to ponytails but idk what else to do! And I know I can't go back to the creamy crack since my hair is falling out because of it. I'm between a rock and a hard place.

The more I whine and complain and think about it, the big chop decision seems closer and closer. Everyday I check to see how much natural hair I have up there, so I could see if I have the nerve to cut it to that length... I don't think today is that day, lol. Still don't have the balls to do it just yet.

You know, I didn't even do this for the "trend" aspect of it (I never follow trends!), I truly just felt that the last relaxer was the final straw for my hair, because it just really started breaking and falling out. I think I'd be bald if I continued.

Oh and before I go, a funny story: I work at an airline, so last week when I wore my depressing-lookin' do, I had a passenger who had some really nice dreads. After I finish checking him in for his flight and whatnot, he says, "hold on lemme give u something." So he pulls out a card for a natural hair care salon in Brooklyn. And I just thought, "it's that obvious that I need help??" Lol.

I do need help, but rather than go to a salon and have them do my hair, I want someone to teach me how to do it on my own. Ain't nobody got money for salons every two weeks!